If You’re Too Shy Let Me Know

By: Campbell Petschke

Currently Bumping: Unreal Unearth by Hozier

Coming Off Strong

You should talk more, you’re funny. I hope we can know each other more next year! HAGS. All things that were written in my 6th grade yearbook. For most of my adolescence, I was a total shy kid. Sort of insecure, I felt lonely for the first few years of grade school. To paint a picture, I really identified with the character of Charlie Brown, only difference is that even though both him and I were pitchers in baseball, I never got my clothes blown off when someone would smack the ball back my way. It was tough few years, but it was something that I really was okay with. My two or three close friends were more than enough for me bonding off of our own insecure natures. See, the good part about being shy at any age is that you can confide in those friends you have and develop a deeper trust and bond with them. I mean, who else is gonna listen about how you beat the new Pokémon game in under a week because you studied YouTube walkthroughs?

It’s 2023 and I feel like being the “shy guy” has really become a popular trend to hop on more than ever. The internet is a stupid easy costume to put on. One that’s unisex and kinda smells like Doritos, shame, and pacific pipeline Monster Energy. I don’t consider myself to be shy really anymore, ambivert more than anything. I feel like in the adult world it’s sort of forced upon you. As I’ve had phases of being on both sides of the intro/extrovert spectrum, I’ve really come to see both sides of this story and how it even still happens to this day. As I’ll detail here, everyone loves a shy guy, whether it’s for the reason you want it to be or the way you can’t detect in the moment.

Advantage Left Team

As I said in my little intro there, I used to be a pretty shy kid. I always thought it spoke volumes to be kind and nice to everyone. My misconception is that I confused kindness and being agreeable. Some people appreciate your kind gestures and some see it as opportunity. I distinctly remember being in a lunch line in 7th grade and a kid I had a few classes with asked me to grab him a milk for him since I was closer. So I did, but then this kid standing with him said “see he really does do anything” (not in a polite way). Many people would joke and call this my “joker arc” saying that’s where I snapped, but that kind of was my aha moment. It’s when I realized that I was sacrificing personality and preservation of my own defenses to cater to other people’s needs. If word is going around that you’ll do anything to be liked, that’s a problem. Truth is couldn’t care less, I just liked people.

Just from my experience, people like shy guys and girls for that reason and that they can almost be your pet. There’s a character on the show Succession that acts like a total kiss-ass to cater to the people of higher status, but the moment the more timid and insecure character comes on screen, he flips and acts like he can treat this person however he wants. Many confuse shyness as a weakness or for being to themselves. That just because they don’t speak up that they lack tenacity or status.

Helping By Doing the Opposite

It’s funny, in my life I have watched HOURS of self-help vids and guides to be a ‘better’ person, but a handful of them would either be giving example of how to be like somebody else or telling them to fake it until you make it. While it seems like these two would go hand in hand they really could not be more different. Telling someone to be like someone else and making it feel like people will just be crawling towards you is not nearly as effective, at least for me. A lot of these videos would use examples such as ‘if you act like Brad Pitt in this scene of this film, naturally your charisma will practically be loudspeakers for others.’ There’s no problem with using the attributes of someone as charismatic as Brad poses himself to be and applying it to yourself, but the problem is that a lot of these people are paid to be like this. These people in movie scenes that are so effortlessly charismatic according to these vids are acting. They’re being like this for a job. In interviews too, there’s such a thing as being media trained and rehearsing.

Mainly what bothers me about these videos is that they lack real life examples or people doing these things themselves. When a real life example does exist, it’s about getting into somebody’s pants… how does this make me less shy again? Will whipping it out prove people are not as shy as they paint themselves out to be from outsider perspective? I don’t think that’s all fact. There was one day that I had a thought. If there was a livestream that had a different person each time going through all the examples that are provided in these vids that it would be super helpful. Part of me wondered when my Nobel Prize would be coming in the mail for having such brilliance, but then I realized the whole point of having these examples… is for me to be the livestream. *GULP*

This is what feeds into the fake it to you make it part. While pulling out attributes of others that you find to be charismatic and admirable works to an extent, it ultimately means nothing if you don’t apply it. Of course this is code for get up off your butt and do it yourself ya bum. See ‘fake it till you make it’ is great advice if you word it differently. Fake it till you make it could be applied to many of things, like pretending you’re good at cooking despite burning multiple trays of cookies and showing stock photos from Google Images swearing it’s your own and the watermark is still there. Then you swear that you are the one that started that company that is watermarked and shame them for not knowing this about you already… I digress.

If I could rewrite ‘fake it till you make it’ I would write it as “apply it as you try it”. As much I would like to just adopt traits by snapping my fingers, it understandably takes a lot of effort to say that you possess it. Sometimes the best advice is to take the opposite of what you are being told. Going against the current when it comes to conversation and how you present yourself honestly has me feeling like Moses parting the waters completely. I’ll hear advice from these life coaches that are clearly narcissistic plums and think ohhhh I’m supposed to NOT do that. Thanks asshole! I can use this “advice” and actually have success. The key route to my adaptation to ‘bettering’ myself out of being shy has definitely just been drawing these pieces from others and being my own person above all else.

Questioning

Panning through all the mental wellness, self help videos and flipping through a handful of books really has highlighted the importance of asking good questions to help combat shyness. Adventurers will always tell you to be curious, but about what? See what I did there? This was by far my favorite piece of advice I had heard. Not only did it open up worlds of possibilities of questions to ask, it also opened up a world of insecurities I had with asking strangers things. Better to realize this before I go in all arrogantly and end up splitting my pants and have my question be “is this where I die now?” No, there’s a form of perfection to this jungle of shyness that I still am climbing through to this day.

I think to myself what the best questions I have ever asked while writing this entry. All of the questions that came to mind happened to be leaps of faith. Ones where I really walked against the current and put my insecurity to the side to push myself forward socially and they all worked for the better because they were defining. I would not have the best friends I do today without questions, have a life partner that I care about very deeply, or be recognized by my former professors and educators. All things that a former shy guy is very proud to have involved in his life.

What Do I Have to Say For Myself

I am very glad to have this platform to share my thoughts as well. There are times where the words that come out are too shy to escape the lips or just aren’t worded as well as they are on The Art of Vibing’s site. Even to this day, the shyness still exists, but I would be horrendously mistaken if I were to call myself a “shy guy” or “introverted”. I fear for the thought of labels to manifest their way into anyone’s life. Labels are too predictable and get old, they also give off the wrong idea to those around you. Nobody wants to be introduced as Shy Pete or be greeted like “Hi, I’m Gerry and I’m introverted!” These vague descriptors are mere watercolor personality traits to your acrylic self. This is is far from faking it till you are making it, this is falling into the trap of being comfortable with what others think of you and just giving into those untrue thoughts.

No matter how corny these conclusions are to my writing, I’d rather die having said what I believe in and speaking out the energy everyone could use versus shyly living in the fear of what others have to say and suffocate my words. You can choose to move against my current or take what you can apply to your own life. I won’t blame you if you do or don’t, just as long as you enjoy the ride.