Does Anger Move On With Others?

By: Campbell Petschke

This is Bull

Mid-January of this year, I was very upset. Shaking my fists at the world and too frustrated to speak to my friend next to me on the Metra coming home from the city. We had taken a frosty, wet, walk to a pizza place I had been dying to try for years, hit up some record stores, and met up with a friend downtown too. If you know anything about me, this is a near perfect day in my eyes (minus bone chilling Chicago winds). Despite the great time I had that day, I still found a way to get frustrated. Unfortunately, this was justified. This was mainly due to none other than your very own Chi-CAGO BULLS!

One would think it would be how the Bulls had been performing that evening that got me frustrated, which is a fair assumption. The Bulls make me want to rip my hair out constantly. Although, this was not the case for this freezing cold evening. The United Center was honoring Bulls legends from all years and was holding a Ring of Honor ceremony to commemorate it. Inviting Bulls icons like Phil Jackson, Steve Kerr, Toni Kukoc… the list goes on except for Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and Dennis Rodman not in attendance. As each name was read, the massive crowd in the arena would resoundingly cheer and go crazy. After all we’re celebrating a Chicago team that went all the way more than once. This does not happen very much around here, so we take advantage of every opportunity.

All was going well until they went to honor Jerry Krause, the Bulls general manager for many successful seasons in the franchise’s legendary run in the 90’s. Instead of loud cheers, the crowd echoed resounding boos. Krause had passed away in 2017, but his wife, Thelma, was in attendance. The camera panned over to her and people had to block the view of the camera. Mrs. Krause was overwhelmed and flooded with tears. Many very publicly came to her defense later in the broadcast. Former Bull and analyst, Stacey King, wasted no time to call out this awful behavior during the game itself. K.C. Johnson, the Bulls media presence for over two decades, also took to Twitter to air out his frustrations with the ‘fans’. It was a horrible night to be a fan of Chicago sports.

For months, I couldn’t get this moment out of my head. It was one of the most disturbing things I had ever seen on TV. It was so real. It highlighted all the moments to really get under my skin. We heard the reaction, saw the emotion, and the after effect. I watched this clip easily over a dozen times after it made rounds on social media. I tried so hard to understand the reaction of that crowd. The reaction of a group of strangers collectively degrading the legacy, life, and impact of a man who is no longer alive… What’s crazy to me is that these thousands of people did not personally know Jerry, but they cared enough about sports to feel like they had a voice in how everyone else is to perceive his career and accomplishments.

I have most definitely been emotional when it comes to sports. I remember calling my friend with tears in my eyes when the 2016 Chicago Cubs won the World Series in one of the best games ever played (unbiased while I dry my eyes having a moment thinking about it). There’s something very special about your city having proper representation in what brings a lot of people joy just to experience at any time. In the moment we can really get caught up in a whirlwind of emotions and lose focus of what we’re watching is really just nothing more than a game. A game between very talented human beings pitted against each other for their own glory. What it’s not, is an opportunity to unleash suppressed emotions that you don’t know how to address in your life outside of a sports venue.

Don’t Look Back in Anger

My point in bringing this story up is not solely because of the bad taste left in my mouth, but for the sake of passing and the emotions that follow. Jerry Krause had been passed for nearly seven years before that disturbing January evening. People were so hurt by choices made by Krause that they decided his whole career and life was not worth celebrating. This is where it really bothered me. A man lived a life that was sadly cut short and had what most people would consider a great career and brought joy to a lot of people indirectly, but because of change and differing viewpoints, people felt he needed to be derided.

So my question that was getting knocked around back and forth like ping pong in my noggin was “do feelings subside after death?” I have experienced death of friends and family in my life, but my feelings towards these people never really shifted. This is probably due to having amicable relationships with all of them. My mom would tell us growing up when leaving the house that she loved us and just wanted to make sure that we knew that in case something were to happen. It sticks with me especially as an adult. I am getting older, so are my parents, my friends. We hear a lot nowadays in a society that strongly values mental health and wellbeing much more than when I was younger that we need to remind those around us in life that they matter. Life is too short, especially for the ones that have that time cut even shorter.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Second chances in life are a miracle. Really, when it comes to anything or anyone that gives you a second chance, it’s like dropping your ice cream on the ground and the guy behind the counter is smiling with a replacement cone handy. When given a chance to repair or forgive something that once was, it’s so imperative that it gets acted upon, so long as they deserve it. Depending on how you divide yourself and how you see forgiveness, there’s plenty of slices of depth in this life of pie. Some choose to never forgive and are perfectly content with holding anger and animosity. While severity of the legal crime known as morality is applicable in case to case, some give others the time of day and feel guilt if they hold resentment towards another. Then there’s those who believe forgiveness is a skill and doesn’t let their brain get infected with the negativity. Finally, there’s the ones that easily forgive because they are uncomfortable with the emotion of anger or guilt.

This spectrum is fascinating because both easy ways out (never forgiving and quick to forgive) require no time for thought. It’s almost borderline selfish to others and really yourself to not give the consideration of what the situation means to you and to others. Not everyone is emotionally competent enough to take steps or sit with their feelings enough to forgive and forget. Though I have practiced this skill throughout my life, I am definitely guilty of taking the easy route at times. I thought as a kid, for example, if I didn’t instantly forgive my friend for a disagreement we had that they would hate me for the rest of my life. That lies the problem that haunt a lot of people’s minds as well. You can’t have a real friendship or relationship without disagreement. Anger is powerful.

Speak Now (Or Don’t, it’s Cool)

At times, I self-diagnose from what I call media brain, where I feel as though I can bring up certain thoughts or ideas that the average person wouldn’t think to ask as it’s deeper than the typical small talk. Moreso the type of convo that comes off less natural and more like a script in a show or movie. I should elaborate as to not sound like I’m saying “oOooO I’m wiser than you!” What I mean is that I am fascinated for how other people process emotions. I perceive myself objectively as a pretty sensitive dude. According to studies, hypersensitive folks like myself are of the 36% that can pretty accurately read other people’s emotions through body language, tone, and verbiage. That’s right, the key to understanding is to be a little whiny itty bitty baby boy. Kidding (slightly).

I have asked people these media brained questions at times and I’ve discovered that not a lot know how to answer my curious inquiry. Partly, it’s due to feeling apprehended and not knowing how to answer a loaded question like ‘how do you process anger’ on the spot. I don’t blame them. Most people live in the silence of their own feelings as is, why would this person who doesn’t live inside their head be inquisitive about how I process rage in a video game lobby or a disagreement with my partner? On top of that, not everyone feels like they are worthy of help or advice.

On one occasion, I was driving home with my friend from a show and the topic of grief came up. My forward brain prompted the question, “do you ever struggle with crying or feel like you should cry more?” This was an instance where the inquisition actually didn’t catch someone off guard. The answer he gave has stuck with me to this day. He said, “I’ve already done all that I can do. Why would I keep torturing myself over it?” It was a response I had never heard before when talking about grief and overcoming pain. Most people say it never leaves you, which to him was still true. We will never get over it, but it’s about how it’s framed that will guide you forward.

Where to Now?

To answer my own question… does anger move on with others? Well… did you read anything I wrote before this paragraph, idiot?! It’s up to you. To some people, emotions are a choice and not what is felt. Not everyone can decide whether they feel what they do if not left up to what we see as normal functionality.

I find it fascinating that for each person’s perception of another, there’s different actions/traits that stick out that might not to others. I’ll use the example of the recent death of Gene Hackman. It was publicly known that he wasn’t the most pleasant person to work with on sets. He was pretty no-nonsense with his job and generally pretty irritable. In light of his passing a few weeks ago, there’s been an outpour of support with people providing kind words and messages. The predominant message being that he was an incredible talent that wowed those who acted those that acted alongside him. It’s probably a more tame example to use as he didn’t do anything outright terrible (to my knowledge). His death happened to come at an oddly fitting time while writing this as it’s a prime example of those remembering him for his performances and less about his unpleasant nature people accused him for.

Anger is all about value and worth. How much effort do you feel is necessary put forth to this moment in time or this action from a person you care about? While emotion isn’t a choice to everyone, it’s one that strikes. Is it more worth to live the life of a sequence of positive memories despite one faulty action? Are you willing to remember what could’ve been only a handful of good memories in a series of bad ones? I have had friends and family that have left my life through just the curse of time or in passing that I really wish I could’ve told them how I felt. Not for the sake of getting it off my chest, but reminding them that deep down that they deserved to feel more.

I know I’m not the only one that wishes they could tell the person no longer in their life what they meant to them. Think about your own values and for how you understand others. A lot of us would be surprised by how deeply we feel for each other, it’s just not easy for everyone to put it to words or without a form of anxiety to hang on their shoulders. If this person that is no longer in your life left the next day, would you feel confident that they knew your true intentions? Maybe today is the day to tell them. Both you and your person deserve to know.